How to Interact with Performers - A Guide for Audiences

Prologue - Honestly, I thought I published this three weeks ago. Brandy Wine of Rogue Burlesque sent me a message suggesting I write about this topic, and I almost smugly responded that I had, before realized that, oh shit, I forgot to insert pictures and click 'publish.'

In summation, I am a complete space cadet.

And this is how I dress when I embrace that part of me.

Sirlesque's newly-acquired Sir Lucky Charming texted me asking if I was planning to put together a guide for patrons of burlesque about how to interact with performers, and until he asked, I hadn't given it much thought. It would make sense to build that out a little more, since I've written about how people react to performance, and the awkward and difficult situations it sometimes puts us in. So I thought I'd go for it, as it would be a nice change from the performance-focused writing I tend to publish.

Since then, I'd finished producing and hosting a show in tandem with my friend Lilith Beest called "They Live: We Strip" which was a John Carpenter themed burlesque show. The show went phenomenally well and we sold out the theater, though we did have a few hiccups that were tied directly to fans interacting inappropriately with performers. So I think this topic is timely enough.

Here's what happened.

Lilith and I had planned on doing an audience participation based costume contest at the midpoint of the show. We had introduced it, and asked if people were in costume (typically, people shout or make a cheer when you ask them questions). An audience member who was in costume, albeit not one that was even remotely on-theme, came up on to the stage and began a character monologue, and resisted most attempts at diffusing.

It finally ended when Lilith said "that's great, and we were going to say that you should tell us about it DURING INTERMISSION!"

What, these two characters couldn't retain control of their own show?

Disregarding the sad fact that this person was our only entrant, he did break a few key rules of how audience members should interact with performers, and it gave me a lot of insight on the topic.

For easier consumption, I'll post my main takeaways in the style of an easy-to-swallow listicle below.

1 - Do not disrupt the show.

Burlesque shows are loud and outrageous by nature, but this isn't by any means a grant of permission to walk onto the stage, talk to the emcees, touch or approach any of the performers, or heckle. There are situations where the audience members are invited to be involved, but that's usually curated and doesn't require your embellishments, no matter how much alcohol you've had. I've seen both new patrons and seasoned performers break these rules, and it only makes everyone uncomfortable.

2 - Keep interactions limited and polite both before/after the show.

As a performer and producer, I'm often a total mess before shows I'm working, and have easily 19 or 20 or 417 things that I need to do which are necessary to make the show happen. I also happen to be too polite to interrupt someone who has been talking to me for 15-20 minutes to tell them this and often have to be pulled away by another person who has something that needs to be addressed.

Before most shows, performers have to do makeup, tech runs, blocking, logistical planning, scripting, and taking stock of costumes and props, and don't have all that much time to talk.

After shows is usually the better time to talk to performers. For me, that's usually when the wave of adrenaline from the performance cancels out my extreme introversion and makes me excited to talk with complete strangers and fellow performers. But usually, if you don't know someone who you've watched perform, it's customary to say hello, introduce yourself, chat about the piece you did or some related topic, and then bid them a good evening.

It's always rude to interrupt people while they're talking (performer or not), but I've still had randos crash into conversations I'd been having with someone else, post up directly between me and the person I was talking to and just start saying words. Once, I had someone snap their fingers in front of my face to get my attention. As a former waiter, I have some serious trauma attached to that. Please don't ever do that.

...Regardless of whether or not I'm actually dressed as a waiter.

On that note, the next point is about boundary crossing.

3 - Do not, under any circumstances, harass or touch performers inappropriately.

I hear tons of stories from my fellow burlesque performers about show-goers who, for whatever reason, feel the need to make inappropriate comments or advances. Sometimes, fans get grabby.

One time, I was chatting with a small group of people after a show, and a group of drunk, middle-aged ladies started grinding their butts against me. I did not know these ladies, and I believe it was an overt ploy to get my attention. I ignored it, and one of them kept doing it with increasing levels of aggression until I was completely displaced from where I had originally been standing. Who does that?

Lots of people assume that since you're baring your body for them, they have carte blanche to treat you like an object. I don't know why this is, but it's not cool.

Everyone in this photo has explicit permission.

4 - Don't be mean directly or by proxy.

It gets mad awkward. For everyone.

The standout story that Lucky Charming told me was that after a performance he did, some bro-dude came up to him to tell him something to the effect of "I'm not gay, but you're a good performer," and then proceeded to tell him he "needed to work out" so he can be hotter on stage.

A lot of times, people feel  the need to tell performers about the other people in the show they didn't like or thought were ugly, not realizing that for the most part, we're all friends and hang out with each other.

If you feel the need to body shame or tell someone you hated their stuff, here's what you do. You go outside, whisper your feelings into an empty glass bottle, and then smash yourself over the head with it.


5 - If you'd like to take a photo or have some strange individual request, simply ask if it's okay to do.

This one time after I did an act at one show years ago, a pretty lady in a red dress came up to me, handed me a sharpie, and asked me if I could sign her breasts. So I did.

Another time, a gentleman approached me after a show and asked me if I would like to make out with him. I respectfully declined, and it was totally fine.

In both of these situations, someone asked for permission to do something, and both situations were totally fine and normal. See how easy?

It's much easier than what is pictured here.

In general, performers open themselves up and give the audience a kind of vulnerability. I've found that most people don't have the desire nor the fortitude to do burlesque, and many folks prefer to remain audience members as far as their willingness to participate. This has its own set of obligations and responsibilities, and as performers, we always appreciate mutual respect and curiosity.

I know I've missed one or two things that producers and performers would advise audience members, and I'd love to hear from you all about what rules are important to you. From the audience side, I'd also like to know what some of your interactions with performers were like, and the impressions it left you.

Have fun!